COMMON PROTECTORS IN AUTISTIC INTERNAL SYSTEMS

I’m an autistic psychotherapist.  I have completed levels 1 and 2 IFS trainings.  My level 1 was in 2020 with Osnat Arbel and Chris Burris; level 2 was in 2021 with Frank Anderson.  In 2021 I also participated in a year long intensive training programme with Deb Dana (polyvagal theory in therapy).  I then completed a 2 year training course in Interpersonal neuroscience and Inner Community work with Bonnie Badenoch via PCPSI (2022-24).  I’ve also taken some live trainings with Janina Fisher and I value her work around working with traumatised parts, some of which incorporate nervous system responses.   Finally, I am influenced by Nick Walker (author of Neuroqueer Heresies) and Jennifer Mullan (author of Decolonizing Therapy) and I aim towards neuroqueering and decolonising my way of practising in service of those who I am privileged to work with.

Therefore, although I use some language which is probably most well known within the IFS model,  my approach is actually an integrative one.  I recognise a distinction between automatic nervous system protective responses and protector parts.  At the same time, I don’t think nervous system responses automatically rule out the involvement of parts as well.   This document is primarily about the scope of protectors within the autistic system and does not seek to address why or how we might work with the various elements within a therapeutic process.  I refer at times to categories of exiles (usually young distressed or traumatised parts) who might be protected by some of these parts for illustrative purposes only.  

I have listed protectors which seem to me to be quite distinctive for many autistic people.  We don’t all have these same protectors and we each have many others as well. 

PUBLIC MANAGERS (aka masking parts, concerned with adaptation to society, maintaining a level of equilibrium and preventing public overwhelm):

The allistic actor has NT performance nailed through lifelong observation, scripting and copying.   Often an unconscious automatic response to social contexts especially if reinforced in childhood (which is most of us).  Protects exiles who have been stifled / suppressed early in life (developmental trauma)

The “in situ” allistic performance director manages our behaviour in social settings against NT norms.  Focuses on what we “can’t” do or do in a different way.  Protects us against being judged negatively / standing out.  Protects exiles who have been ridiculed, shamed, silenced for being their authentic selves in public.

The CEO of public / social representation keeps relationships and various settings / contexts very separate to facilitate coming and going “under the radar”.  This means that others can never see the whole picture and assume we are “somewhere else” when we disappear to decompress alone.  Protects exiles who have been exposed in scenarios where people who know aspects of their unmasked selves have mixed with people who don’t.

The early leaver “gives up” early on due to unrealistic self standards and fears of failure.  For example, this part hands in notice for a job long before there are any signs of difficulty visible to outside world, drops out of courses, leaves an activity while still enjoying it to avoid anything bad happening (“Quit while I’m ahead”).  Protects exiles carrying shame from past failures or perceived failures.

Restricted living manager ensures we do not take risks in terms of what we do or where we go.  Often an ally of the plausible excuse maker.  Advises us not to put ourselves forward for job opportunities, take part in activities, attend social occasions, engage in certain relationships which we might otherwise actually enjoy.  This can be because of the risk of overwhelm and exposure, and to prevent burnout.  It can also protect exiles who have felt “too much” or “not enough” for other people.

The plausible excuse maker works hard to keep us away from situations which might be too much or where we would need to ask for accommodations.  Usually comes up with fairly innocuous reasons / excuses which divert attention from the fear of overwhelm or exposure.  Saves energy / spoons.  Protects exiles who have felt exposed and had difficult experiences of overwhelm.

The contact moderator also saves spoons.  They set strict boundaries in order to save face and never be seen to struggle in public.  Careful to always have an “escape plan”.  Protects exiles who have horrible experiences of melting down or shutting down in public.

The over achiever consistently “delivers over and above”.  This can be motivated by a desire to compensate for the dreaded possibility of being found out as being “less than”.  We might feel as if we have something to prove.  Protects exiles whose ways of being have been invalidated or who never felt “enough”.

The entertainer utilises distraction and humour as a way to be seen and accepted.  They may genuinely be funny however sometimes the effort which goes into the maintenance of this role can be excessive and draining behind the scenes.  May over-identify with the role and be lonely underneath in the knowledge that it can sometimes be in direct contrast to how they feel inside.  Can be self-deprecating.  Protects exiles who may have only been valued for their humour or entertainment value.

The skilled listener diverts attention from us by maximising on others’ needs to be listened to attentively and empathically.  We are often hyper-empathic and we have often been practising this from a very young age.  This part is alert and highly observant and they can carve out a niche role for themselves in groups due to their attunement and listening / facilitation skills.  The listener hides in plain sight, present but not known.  May protect exiles who got the message early on that things went better for them if they stayed quiet and didn’t take up space themselves.

The helper aims to be all things to all people on a practical basis.  They scan for opportunities to help or be “useful” as this provides an opportunity not to be left out and potentially to gain value in the eyes of others.  May protect exiles who have painful memories of not fitting in or belonging.

The people pleaser wants to avoid conflict or rejection.  They feel the only way to do this is to go along with whatever others want to do.  RSD and the degree to which the person and their exiles have experienced the excruciating feelings of rejection in the past will intensify the desire and need to protect against this.

The grateful one says thank you repeatedly.  They notice every kindness, genuinely feel grateful and also want to communicate gratitude that the other person has taken them under their notice at all.  This protects parts who have been overlooked and /or misunderstood in the past, also others who fear conflict and/or rejection.

The repressor actively restrains the person from stimming and other forms of self expression in public.  This part also keeps a lid on lots of unrealised potential and freedom.  May protect exiles carrying strong messages around not being welcome or free to be themselves in the world.

PRIVATE MANAGERS:

The life manager has a complex organisation system of post it notes, alarms, timers, lists, diaries to keep everything on track and to manage “time blindness”.  Usually we have memories of having faced the consequences of being late and sometimes we have clear exiles who need protected from this.

Food managers are in charge of ensuring we have access to our safe foods at all times.  We know how distressing it can be to find ourselves in situations where we are expected to eat something we cannot or haven’t known about in advance.  Some of us have exiles who were forced to eat things which we found traumatic both due to the coercion and our extreme sensory distress with textures and taste.

The isolator withdraws frequently in order to feel safe.  The extent of the withdrawal or isolation is often not perceived by or shared with others.  The person can feel extremely lonely, yet need the isolation in order to continue to function.

The (fiercely) self reliant one never asks for help.  They fall apart, decompress, recover and recharge alone.  They might invest in therapy on a very long term basis, as the contract enables them to have a safe and consistent space where they get to choose what they share.  The fact that they are paying for this sometimes means that “too much” exiled parts feel allowed to emerge, even if fleetingly.  We may have learned early not to rely on anyone and we may also have exiles who have been terribly let down in the past when we have experimented with relying on others.

The judge evaluates words and behaviour against neurotypical norms.  They impose sanctions and predict negative consequences if behaviour does not “improve” or conform.  This may protect exiles who have been punished and shamed for speaking or behaving in certain ways.

The (excessively) embarrassed one “cringes” massively over behaviour in hindsight. They are concerned about exposure.  Can also retrospectively analyse back many years and be particularly ashamed in relation to not knowing about being autistic –  feels as if “everyone” must have been able to see how utterly strange they were.

The constant scanner keeps an eye on relationships in order to notice signs of criticism, distaste or rejection from others.  It has a CCTV element with a playback facility for further reflection and planning later.  The rejection sensitive firefighter is closely related to this, however there is no CCTV available when that part is active.

EVERYDAY FIREFIGHTERS (more extreme protectors motivated by fear of exposure or overwhelm):

The unconscious NT persona is more extreme than the NT actor.  This part is fiercely committed to maintaining an allistic / NT identity.  Usually involves internalised ableism / autiphobia.  Invested in hiding autism / neurodivergence from system.  Tends to follow neuro-normative standards and expectations eg. cisgender, straight, marriage.

The distancer maintains a distance from autistic / ND spaces.  Stays “on the fence” about self identity.  Fears loss of relationships, status, career.  Also feels shame about not knowing self.  Connected with internalised ableism / autiphobia / damaging narratives and stereotypes.

The numb-er turns down sensory pain, physical symptoms, emotions.  Represses own needs.  Instead of seeking accommodations or support this part often uses disconnection from the body and emotions in order to navigate the world.  May align with more extreme dissociative parts. 

The distractor seeks to manage demands and / or over-stimulation by focusing on anything and everything except what’s happening in the present.

The insomniac manages over-stimulation.  Its aim is often misunderstood as “keeping the person awake”, however actually it seeks to support the nervous system to regulate.  Often this involves processing material which was “too much” during the day.

The selective information gatherer: in conjunction with the numb-er, this part can turn down all stimulation other than that which it intuits is “absolutely necessary”.  This is the part that can manage in school / learning environments, including performing in exams.  However it will not usually have an integrated recollection of the experience and the information is unlikely to be retained or applied in a meaningful way.

The invisibility cloak-wearer  manages to slip in and out of places and people’s lives without leaving a mark.  It is an extremely sophisticated and effective form of self protection / defence.

The risk avoider is aversive to any form of risk due to a total lack of safety or trust.  Can include, for example, never drinking alcohol or trying new things “just in case”.

The merger blurs their identity with a particular niche or group.  This can also lead to exploitation as we become very good at what we do and can be only too pleased to volunteer our skills if that gives us even just a small pay off of being of worth.

“All in” parts can become “taken over” by a concept, leader, project.  They get in deep very quick.  For some people this can look like “flash projects” which they then lose interest in and move on from relatively quickly.  For others it can lead to sexual, psychological and spiritual exploitation. 

The over-exerter is often chronically burnt out.  When they get a spark of energy they find it hard to place limits on their work.

The fawner is excessively people-pleasing and compliant in order to avoid confrontation / being in the “spotlight”.  They can be easily exploited / taken advantage of.

The rejection sensitive one leaps into action at the hint of perceived rejection (or criticism for some people).  It acts in response to exiles who feel intense emotional pain and overwhelm.

The absolute rule maker imposes strict rules on situations and relationships in order to manage fears of chaos and shame.  Can be perfectionist.

OCCASIONAL / AS NEEDED FIREFIGHTERS (the most extreme protectors – for some people these are needed on a regular basis):

The escape artist gets out quick from any situation.  The escape artist’s techniques are usually not pre-planned or habitual strategies; they react swiftly due to panic.  This can also look like a sudden illness / period of time out – the system has kept going too long and nothing else will do at this stage to avoid meltdown / internal combustion.

The dissociative one takes the client out of overwhelming sensations, sensory experiences and emotional reactions.  These parts have often been highly adaptive at helping the person to survive overwhelming circumstances and experiences in the past, working with “getting on with it” aspects of the personality to somehow keep going.

The internal gaslighter is absorbed with blame and shame.  They look for reasons to incriminate themselves.  There are usually legacy burdens / inherited or deep rooted familial roles embedded in the system.  Closely aligned with the scapegoat.

The scapegoat volunteers to take the blame.  If they catch any sense that someone is unhappy with a situation they will automatically look to see if they can assume any of the responsibility.  They volunteer to take this willingly, often before weighing up the evidence and even in the absence of the other person making any accusations.

The autism punisher attacks the autistic personhood violently, whether physical in terms of actual bodily harm or psychologically beating self up for behaviour / not being “normal”.

The autism hater sees the person as disordered, alien, not human.  This part protects exiles who have formed due to multiple experiences of being treated as “less than”. 

Enraged parts yell and scream at others.  This often relates to the pressure of demands which have been placed on us or a profound feeling of being unseen.

Shutdown parts can disconnect and switch off the whole system.  Often non speaking.

Meltdown parts internally and externally combust with pressure.